Seasonal high today! Did I hear 76 degrees? Too warm to wear a hat. I finally need to do something about the grey roots which are suddenly not blending any longer. Wasn’t it just three weeks ago I tried to sweep them under a carpet of Warm Cappuccino?

The box of “Dark Chestnut” beckons to me. My friend Rivvy, afraid to do it herself, shoved the box into my hands the other day saying, “Take it. It’s a gift.” I snatch the box eagerly, like a piece of chocolate, for my hair — a promise of gorgeous, chocolate-coated hair.

THE CLAIMS:

  • Covers 100% grey hair
  • Intense, long lasting radiant colour
  • With active vegetable ingredients

I’m not sure what the active vegetable ingredients will do for my hair. Make it healthier? More wholesome? Orange?

INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE:

  1. Put on gloves.
  2. Pour bottle A into bottle B and screw on cap.
  3. Attempt to unscrew top from bottle B cap with slippery gloves.
  4. Remove gloves.
  5. Remove cap from bottle B.
  6. Insert cap from bottle B into mouth and bite down hard on top and twist with teeth.
  7. Unscrew loosened top with bare hands.
  8. Replace cap on bottle B.
  9. Put on gloves.
  10. Apply colorant to roots.
  11. Nearly blind self with errant drop of colorant.
  12. Set timer 10 minutes. Avoid getting colorant on stove clock buttons.
  13. Notice dark black blotches on face around hairline.
  14. Blot dark blotches with soapy cloth.
  15. Apply rest of colorant to hair.
  16. Spill colorant on blouse, sink and floor.
  17. Remove hot sticky gloves.
  18. Set timer for 20 minutes.
  19. Play Angry Birds on iPhone.
  20. Achieve 3 stars on level 10. Death to pigs!!! Hear the birds cheer!
  21. Miss the timer beeping. Shit. How much time has passed?
  22. Jump in shower, wash and apply conditioner.
  23. Run out of hot water allowing conditioner to set.
  24. Rinse conditioner shivering under cold water.
  25. Use hair dryer to warm up.

RESULTS:

Yes!!! Dark chocolate hair!!! More orange at top – perhaps result of active vegetables. Made a mess in the house. Nearly blinded myself and over-processed, but that was the pigs’ fault. Nonetheless, my hair is dark dark dark (except that one grey spot I missed at my right temple).

Dark like 80% dark chocolate. Dark like the dark Irish.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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5 Comments

  1. OH My! I relived my experience with hair color reading this. But that was when my hair was mostly pigment, and less grey. When I turned 50 my roots were ALL grey (silvery-white) so when they grew in I looked like a skunk. That’s when I decided to reverse my process and use a golden blonde instead of the deeper delicious reddish cherry chocolate browns. I still miss my chocolate covered cherry hair days…every time I color my hair now I feel like something is missing…could it be my youth?! Or do I just need a chocolate fix?

  2. I relate. I’m usually a bit of a carrot-top, too, after being enticed by the pretty faces and colors and promises of youth on the front of those boxes. Hi Angela, nice getting to know you at Esalen. Hope your adventures in the daze following the workshop were fun!
    –Heidi

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